There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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