i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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