Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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