I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
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