fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
