Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
