yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
