me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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