I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
