I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
my phone needs a breathalizer
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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