So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
