It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
