You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Randomize
