why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
