Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
