We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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