dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
