The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
