I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
