I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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