So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
