jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
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