if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
