Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
