btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
