My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
