i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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