i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
