fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
