im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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