I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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