i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
