Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
