The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
