Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
i now understand why vodka
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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