I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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