If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
