just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
