We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
