I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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