is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
