she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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