I must be too annoying 4 u.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
