I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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