he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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