Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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