the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
