I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
