Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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