i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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