So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
