Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
