he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
