This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We just shotgunned beers for America
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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