sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
