i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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